How to Almost End Your Marriage
I thought today would be a great day for a recipe on the blog! Here's the recipe, along with step by step instructions (aka pictures for the non-readers) on how to almost end your marriage.
First, the ingredients:
- 1 eight passenger rental van
- 1 set of sketchy directions
- 1 iPhone equipped with Japanese maps
- 1 normally happy couple
- 1 innocent third party participant
- 1 wicked language barrier
Directions:
- Rent an eight-passenger van to save money on tolls. Make sure van's mileage is at least 6 digits and may or may not have an alignment issue.
- Obtain turn by turn directions for your destination approximately 4 hours from your home, listing street names when street signs are not posted.
- Pick up your third-party participant half an hour later than promised but still way too early for a Saturday morning.
- Get on the toll highway and attempt to take pictures from said eight-passenger van going no less than 100 kph.
- Stop at rest stop, act like tourists, and have every Japanese person unabashedly stare at you.
- Get mildly excited when signs for your destination appear.
- Come upon a three road split once you get into Sendai, pick the wrong one, and begin on your journey back the way you came.
- Try to correct the problem by asking a Japanese person to make a U-turn on the highway.
- Patiently wait while Japanese person gets additional Japanese person to understand your English-only speaking self.
- Become increasingly aware of traffic pile up behind your vehicle as third Japanese person is fetched to understand the words coming out of your mouth.
- Bury your face in your hands as the entire line of cars behind you is instructed to reverse so you may make a U-turn on the toll highway.
- Get back on the road and ready to conquer the three-way intersection of mass confusion.
- Watch as spouse chooses wrong road for the second time, sending you back the way you came.
- Begin cursing at one another as innocent third party observes in horror from the back seat.
- Repeat steps 8 through 12.
- Apologize to spouse after third party intervenes and says both of you are wrong and being lost is both of your fault.
- Focus post fight anger on taking pictures of cute Japanese animal crossing signs.
- Finally make it to your destination, the beautiful city of Sendai, for some outlet mall shopping.
- End day at beer factory, still married and doing the Asian picture pose.
